Today i feel empty... I can feel that my Dear Dear is totally disappointed in me.
I know deep inside her, she has given up on me...
I don't wanna lose her...
Haix... What should i do... I acted as if nothing has ever happened. I though this would be the best way to settle the problem... I am wrong......
I get cold msges, so cold that i think there is totally no emotions in it. She told me that she can only hide in a corner and cry... Me too...
We are meeting this saturday, but i know this meeting is going to be a painful one. Both of us is going to be hurt cause she is going to bring up the issue. Maybe my mindset is wrong. Actually i know my mindset is wrong. but it is the best to my opinion. Pretending that there is no problem at all. Big problem into small, small into nothing. Isnt that the best way? to manage a relationship. Having problem everyday is going to make our memories full of unhappiness.
I just want a happy relationship. Everything i do is just to keep the both of us happy. And i can see that i am not doing a very good job. With my dear dear unhappy... i feel even worse...
While i was walking home, or u can say everytime i walk home. I think... what if i got knock over by a car now... Will anyone be sad? like really really sad? because the last words they said to me was not something nice? because the time we spent together could have been better? With this thoughts in mind, i try to always keep myself happy. Keep the people around me happy. Deep in my heart... i feel like a idiot...
I am a idiot... And i have to only keep it in my heart... I love u dear dear... Its not ur fault that any of this happens... I wanna let u know that i really love u. But the least u could do is have faith in urself. No matter what, i still belong to u... NO MATTER WHAT. i have already chosen u... We have been through this alot of times already... I dont want us to fall apart... i do get sad too... And when i am sad, i too have no one to go to... i can only keep working and working to keep my mind occupied, and hoping i can earn enough to provide u with a good life ahead. With only $700 in my bank account... I know i will not make it to provide for u. I wanna be with u forever. I LOVE u dear dear
